Celebrating the qualities of a good caregiver and father

As a child of the 1980s, I can’t help but remember the “bumbling dad” trope that seemed to dominate the entertainment industry.

There were movies like “Mr. Mom” and “Three Men and a Baby,” television shows like “My Two Dads,” “The Hogan Family,” and “Full House,” and a weird collection of detergent commercials where fathers were left to do the laundry or the dishes. In every form of media, they embraced the same narrative: a mom dies, is absent or incapacitated, and the fish-out-of-water dad must stumble through the everyday tasks of changing diapers, navigating chores, and managing over-the-top teens.

While many commercials assigned superhero instincts to the moms who knew precisely the right juice, Band-Aid, or cereal for every occasion, dads burned breakfast, pulled out pink laundry due to a hidden red sock, and seemed to thrive only at grilling.

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Although a shift in this narrative can’t be pinpointed to one specific occasion, it most likely gained traction when, in 2012, a well-known diaper company hinged an entire campaign on their diapers being so foolproof that “even dads can do it.” The rejection of such a notion was immediate. Thousands of fathers flooded the company’s social media pages and emails, demanding that the commercial be removed. The outrage hit such a fever pitch that the offending company removed the ad.

Having grown up with a fantastic father and now being married to an incredible husband, I never ascribed to the idea that all fathers were universally bad at chores or caregiving. Like my dad, my husband, Paul, was always willing to “get his hands dirty,” and I never gave it a second thought.

Well, that’s not entirely accurate.

When our oldest daughter, whom we lovingly call Ladybug, was diagnosed with hereditary angioedema (HAE), I championed myself as the sole caregiver. Although both Paul and I were trained in administering Ladybug’s emergency medications, I always gave her the shot. I rebuffed Paul’s offers to take off work to drive to doctor appointments. And worse, it was entirely out of the question when he’d insist on trading with me to stay with her at the hospital.

Even though I never saw my husband as the “bumbling father,” my actions certainly treated him that way. In my mind, I’d always be able to drop everything for Ladybug’s care.

It’s funny how things change.

In January 2024, I was offered my dream job. Although it was more flexible than my previous one, it demanded longer hours and significant travel. And while I was still attempting to manage 90% of Ladybug’s care on my own — amid Paul’s protests — the longer I went, the harder it became. Toward the end of last year, I finally had to relinquish some of the caregiving responsibilities I’d held in a vice grip, responsibilities that Paul gladly shouldered and did exceptionally well.

I wasn’t shocked by this, but I did realize something: When caring for a loved one with HAE, things like administering medication, remembering appointments, and sleeping in hospitals are essential, but they’re somewhat secondary. Patience, comfort, reassurance, empathy, understanding, and love have a much greater role.

And I can think of no one more amazing who embodies all of those qualities for our Ladybug than her father.

Happy Father’s Day to my “#theboyfriend!”

Thank you for all you do.

Note: Angioedema News is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Angioedema News or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to angioedema.