Fretting about the future can make us overlook our progress

“We should plant these flowers,” my husband suggested.

Since we were both experiencing the rare phenomenon of a simultaneous day off, we decided to tackle a project that had long been evading us.

The flower bed that hugs our front porch had become overrun with weeds, crabgrass, and a failed rock-bed project. Although my husband, Paul, and I often talked about cleaning it up for summer, it was a kind woman at our church who gifted us with nearly two dozen garden flowers who nudged us into action.

Encouraged by the unusually cool day, Paul and I got to work on the flower bed; he was shoveling on one side, and I was on my hands and knees on the other. Through sips of water and great conversation, the hours seemed to fly by, but as I surveyed my work, I became a little discouraged.

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From my perspective, every time I looked ahead to see how much I had left, I felt as though I’d made little progress. It didn’t help that my back was tired, my garden gloves were caked in mud, and my knees were starting to ache. Even though I didn’t want to give up, the sounds of my fatigue slipped out.

“Babe,” Paul said in front of me, “Why don’t you take a break? You’ve been down there a long time.”

Taking his advice, I finally stood up, stretched, and turned around to walk toward the house, only to freeze in shock. Because I was so focused on how far we had to go, I’d inadvertently ignored how much we’d done.

Cue the caregiving lesson that immediately came to mind.

Shifting my attention

When our oldest daughter, whom we lovingly call Ladybug, was diagnosed with hereditary angioedema (HAE), we quickly learned how much care comes with chronic illness. We faced refrigerated preventive medications, emergency medications that required constitution, saline flushes, gauze, apps that helped us track flares, and a laundry list of other tasks.

Yet because Ladybug was still in elementary school at the time, I took on the caregiving role with unapologetic zeal. I didn’t mind keeping up with all of those things because I’m her mom, and that’s what moms do.

However, one day, when I was talking with an acquaintance about HAE, they offhandedly quipped, “Sheesh! What are you going to do when she goes to college?”

I hadn’t thought about that. Soon after that conversation, I started to hyperfocus on Ladybug’s future. How would she get through finals if she’s having a bad flare? Who would be there for her if she can’t find a vein? What’ll happen if her professors don’t believe her? What if her boyfriend doesn’t want to — and that’s when I stopped.

She’d barely made it to her first day of middle school, and I’d already spiraled about her future. And while I’d love to say that I stopped on my own, it wasn’t until I was standing in an almost clear flower bed that I realized how unhealthy that thought process was.

The truth is, she’s made huge improvements since her diagnosis. She can administer her preventive meds, recognizes her symptoms much sooner, and has learned how to avoid specific triggers. Yes, I can still be nervous about what tomorrow holds, but she has come so far.

Although it’s difficult not to worry about her future, it’s imperative that, as caregivers, we don’t dwell on it. It’s like one of my favorite quotes says: “Always concentrate on how far you’ve come rather than how far you have left to go.”

Note: Angioedema News is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Angioedema News or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to angioedema.